- May 15, 2020
- 2 mins story
The amount of change occurring in such a short amount of time has been challenging for me. I am very routine-based, and having that thrown out the window has caused everything to become that much more difficult. Additionally, it’s hard being away from those I could reach out to in an instant if something was going on (I love my family, but sometimes you need certain people for certain things). I get scared for my family, teammates, friends...pretty much everyone in my life. it’s an internal conflict between wanting to be around the people you love and not wanting to be around them, and there’s a certain level of guilt associated with each. You try your best, but you don’t have the option of your best not being good enough. You just hope and pray for those around you and track down the cases in different states to make sure those you love are safe.
2. What have you done to keep yourself healthy and happy during this time?My routine for running/XT has remained fairly the same. However, I have changed up one of my regular lifting days to trying out different workout videos on YouTube and seeing what I can do!To keep myself mentally healthy and to give back to the people in my life that have helped me all these years, I created my mental health Instagram page @running_on_empty__. After being diagnosed with MDD (though having it for years beforehand undiagnosed) I began to connect the dots to see what went wrong during my terrible XC races. Turns out, me getting sad during a race wasn’t a fluke. I would get panic attacks mid-race and collapse to the ground. The realization of the panic, collapse, anger, sadness cycle and some pretty strong medication helped me to be able to enjoy each race again. But at the time, I was a fluke. Nobody knew what was going on. I didn’t want my teammates to know how badly I was really struggling. But Looking back, I wish I would have had that knowledge from someone with clinical depression who has managed to work through those daily battles and find a way to get stronger. So I decided to make my own!! It’s really melted my heart to hear from people that it has helped them!
3. Have you seen, experienced, or addressed inequity, discrimination, or racial injustice during this time period? Has injustice impacted your experience of the pandemic?First of all, I hope to enjoy time with family more. I want to continue helping in any way I can, as I realize I’m fortunate to have a loving family who is able to work and sustain us. I also want to continue supporting local businesses and keep doing small challenges to see what I can do!